Endnote - reasons and seasons

The D-day has arrived. The year is up. This is it. Or is it?

One of my friends asked me - "was it worth it?"

Honestly, I don't know.

But I truly believe, life is worth it - all the choices and decisions we subject it to!

Of course, I have changed. It was supposed to be a life-changing experiment remember? Of course, I am not in touch with a lot of friends, people who at some point in my life were essential to my very existence...

But change is good and life is as much about letting go as about hanging on. As a wise lady once said, some walk into our lives for a reason, some for a season and that's that!

So I leave you to contemplate the mysteries of the universe while I continue to endeavour in my quest for self-discovery - one way or another, its the journey that matters!! ;D

Meow!

end end-note: Can't believe I took 45 minutes to pen this down! The holiday has made me rusty! But will park that for another day;-))

when time stops...or the essence of a deadline lies in the fulfillment of a quest!

Maybe a year is not enough,

Maybe a life is not enough..

Maybe the quest of our existence is not to find God or truth (as Gandhi believed) but to find ourselves..

And if for that we need a lifetime, maybe that's ok too!

The price of freedom

What makes a leader? Is it the ability to inspire? or is is merely old-fashioned didactism?

I don't know.

Fear, shock, anger - This week's events on the global stage have been outrageously horrifying to say the least. Are we well and truly free? Or is freedom a state-controlled myth? Does a leak of "sensitive" documents really give anyone, even the most powerful state in the world, to hound, threaten, coerce and as some leaders have suggested "assasinate" an individual for merely publicising something?

Is big brother just a television show? or did Orwell get it right and what he saw is no longer limited to the pages of his seminal work, 1984?

Is freedom of speech a myth? maybe the notion of freedom itself is a myth. For if, the United States as the biggest power needs to protect its "national security" so fiercely, what happens to the rest of the world?

Is this really about Wikileaks leaking sensitive documents or is this about how-could-one-organization-dare-to-bare-global-leaders-in-front-of-mere-mortals? How dare you, a fly, challenge the power and the flight of the eagle? 

I feel sick, saddened and sorry. This is the legacy we pass on to our children. Be powerful and you can do anything you want. Afterall, the world is a regulated, well-ordered stage where all the men, women and children are merely performers and the human race, though seemingly unshackled from the leagcy of imperialism and narrow caste-class-colour-based biases, remains a mute spectator to whatever has been decreed - whether by China (don't you dare attend the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony honouring Liu Xiaobo) or US (just google wikileaks and the angst of US policymakers will flood your search). We are evolved you see and far superior to our poor ancestors who neither had the gifts of technology nor the ease of life we are used to. If in the process of an "easier", taken to be a synonym for 'happier', life we have to consent to minor adjustments like surrendering to state control, then so be it. Afterall, there really is no lasting harm.

Acton got it right, way back in 1887 - "Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely!" 

Though he noted his this for individuals, and the effect of power on men in power, the phrase sums up the life and times of today as the distinction between leaders and states gets blurred - it is the individuals who define the character of the state.

Arm-twisting is the new norm and just as the line between individual power and state power gets blurred, the line between democracy and totalitarianism too becomes a blur. Afterall big brother does know best.

Is it Assagne who dictates the freedom of the press or is it Clinton?

You decide.

Pink - its my new obsession!;-)

For pink is the colour of fashion!

Yup, its that time of the year again - when the quilts come out and people vanish below them..When garam garam chai is best served with mathi and achar...when cakes are plummed up, not iced….When a morning walk is best walked at 11 and the day calls it a day at 6…when heaters warm frozen souls and welcome hugs thaw frozen hearts, Yes, its time to say hello to winters!! And here I am, in the heart of the capital, finally catching up with dilli ki sardi after a hiatus of 3 years. Admittedly, I was home for holidays, but this time it’s a season and not a reason that'll see me around!

Meanwhile, while Father Claus is getting ready for spreading Christmas cheer, and Delhi University is gearing up for ruining it with a mere week off to revel in the festivities (is that fair, I ask you??), this season, its not just red and green but definitely, clearly, strongly, pink! Specifically fushia if I may!!:D

Happy December my friend, the pinks will pink me up for sure!;D

Meow!

Chalte Chalte bas yun hi mujhe kuch kehna hai

एक मुठी ज़िन्दगी
दो भीगा ज़मीन
बस ऐसे ही कुछ मुख्दूं में है
कैद नसीब तेरा ...

वक़्त बदल जाता है
दुनिया बदल जाती है
कहने को तोह इंसान की
पहचान बदल जाती है l

पर मूढ़ के देखो तोह कुछ नहीं बदलता
किसी को हक नहीं तोह किसी को सहारा नहीं मिलता ...

ऐसे में एक जो है
वोह तुम ही हो खुदा
अपने आप की, अपनी किस्मत की
बस तुम ही हो दुआ ...

न छोड़ अपना साथ
कहते हैं मिआं
सितारून से आगे जहाँ और भी हैं
यहाँ सिअक्दों कारवां और भी हैं  ll

बस यूँ सोच लो की आगे मुकाम और भी हैं
सुनते सिमत्तेह हैरत-इ-होंसला और भी हैं ll

The boy who lived....

Oft in life, when we look back, all we see is a trail of broken promises - some effusive, some unsaid, unwritten. It is at times like this that a simple story of love brings home the truth of life itself - life is not about the broken promises, it is about the fact that there were promises and that by itself is promising!:-)

This is the story of love, of fear, hope, destiny, but above all, of a promise - a mother's promise to protect, nurture and save her child - a promise that forms the basis of humanity itself. From the sea of human suffering that washes over us everyday, this is the story that warmed my heart under the cold lights of a hospital room on a pre-autumn lazy, chatty Sunday afternoon..

Once upon a time, in a slum not so far away, there lived a boy. In a land known for the ills that plagued it in the post-monsoon rush for CWG "all-is-well" preparations, this slum, like many others, was witness to something more virulent during the life and times of the Delhi Games, something even more dangerous than Kalmadi himself, the smaller, ostensibly humbler, dengue bug with its brothers-in-arms chikungunya and malaria.

He, a tiny bundle, malnourished, was bitten. (We are still not entirely sure of the cause of his illness.) She, illiterate, knew not what to do. With a child almost certain to die, with not a paisa to her name, with a husband 'missing-in-action' for 3 full days, the decision was waiting to be made - to prepare for a burial or to venture into the unknown maze of city wheeling-dealings and claim life back for her child; the choice for this lady was clearly between sticking to being the passive wife or venturing ahead as an active mother.

One silver bangle was all she had when she set forth. That and the belief that her boy would live, had to live. They say, help comes to those who ask for it. And I believe, faith has no power like a mother possessed. In a city known for random rapes and chauvinistic autocratic autowallahs, it was a random autowallah who came to the rescue - a trip to one of the few hospitals with enough available facilities, in a locality far far away, with no expectation of being shabashed, he was in my eyes, a true hero. Not that she dint offer to pay, she did have the bangle you see, but a simple "behenji mujhe paap lagwana hai kya" before he rode off summed up that something bigger that we all hide in our hearts - the desire to be good, and that once in a very rare while manages to fight free of our facades of "worldliness" and "street-smartness" and translates into true heroism, acts that may be limited to our own private world but exalt us in our own eyes.

The hospital staff was quick to react and all red-tapism was forgotten as the whole universe rallied to save the boy - right from the nurses and the doctors who donated a part of their own salaries, to attendants who stayed back after duty-hours to help and offer moral support to the mother, to other patients who cheered the boy every time he managed a feeble soporific smile and the visitors who with medicines, clean clothes, their time and words of encouragement saluted the brave spirit of a simple, illiterate woman who knew only one thing - how to be a mother!

Sometimes in life, it is the little things that inspire - one silver bangle for instance...

Part 2

The rise of nations, the fall of fiefdoms, man on the moon and women's right to vote - among a lot of other developments, the rise of the human civilization in the last few centuries has been marked by these successes on the march towards perfection. The march to civilization has invariably been preceded by uncivilized behaviour!

Apart from close room wheeling and dealings, some active, some passive, mostly bloody developments have always been a part of any change - in ideas, in boundaries, in evolution. Note that here I am referring to the evolution of the human race and not Darwin's conception of the origins of man.

In a lot of literature then, evolution is marked by revolution - aka the shedding of some token blood at least, even if its just an assassination!

Early this week, I got a chance to be witness to some bigger, greater and more powerful at work than what has passed so far - I saw 'Soldiers of peace'...

In an era that is marked by hate and discord, by bombings and madmen posing as leaders, where caste/class/religion-based politics are the norm, or ethnic cleansing a part of a nation-state's identity itself, where nuclear knowledge is used as insurance and kickbacks by the armaments industry are vital to any government's survival, in a world where a lot seems to be topsy turvy, somewhere, suddenly, this came as a glimmer of hope and I hung on...

Agreed, the film is a simplistic look at definition of violence itself. Agreed, it puts too much faith in the individual himself and seemingly absolves governments of their responsibility to ensure, nurture, and sustain peace. But the film works. Watch it to believe me!

This part of the evolution of the human race is about a journey, a mindset, a "hate the sin and not the sinner", and sustainability of the planet is critical to sustainability of the human race itself, a literal "put yourself in the other's shoes", challenging the existence of the notion of the "other" itself!

Is this an evolution in the true sense of the word? Does it even make sense to be so naive, so simplistic? Are we really heading for a crisis otherwise? Can violence be replaced by constructive criticism and acceptance? Or by humane and imminently less bloody means of negotiation and reconciliation? Are we evolved enough to be able to play to rationality and not silly "I you" identities when it comes to issues of national and international importance?

I don’t know.

But I hope. And that, my dear friend, is good enough to start with!

Out of charge, out of mind and how evolution does not always lead to a revolution - Part 1

So, my laptop has been acting up. Nothing dramatic, just the new commonwealth bug I presume. Things don't work, fall apart, u know, the usual. So my beloved runs out of charge every two hours or so. Nothing unusual, you might comment, however, consider a wire-dependant net connection coupled with erratic electricity supply and a sneezing fit that refuses to go away and voila, you have the perfect Bhavana recipe for 'not being connected often enough' ::read that not logged in the whole freakin 24 hours::!!

Simply put, I am losing my mind over this - the limitations of technology, where mere thoughts are not enough to post on a blog, one has to physically log in and type; where mere images are not enough, one has to search/draw/paint/link whatever one is trying to depict; and where, on the eve of the Commonwealth Games, we are still grappling with one crisis after the other, rains notwithstanding! Argh!!!

Its wet when its not humid and traffic-jammed eternally in the capital city aka meri Dilli!

Yup, am the perfect image of the angry young woman right now!!!!

Yours,

cribby!

P.S. Of course, there are bright spots but the focussed person that I am, want to revel in the anger-phase a bit more so will dwell on those only in the next post, happy waiting and hating !!;P

Achoo! Atishoo!

You know why when we sneeze we say atishoo? We are simply asking for a tissue! :D:D

PJ Alert in reverse!! hehehe

One of my dear friends used to love to comment whenever asked to pass on a tissue - this tissue has issues!

But seriously, I mean, how horrid to be used so, to wipe anything from dirty hands to bat boogers, from soaking up split tea on the table to cover up a bleeding cut. A tissue's job description is the stuff either legends or your worst nightmare are made of! But it’s not ephemeral like Raymonds' “A complete man”! A tissue is v.much there, not that it has a choice, but still, its there and that is what matters..

Maybe, the naive simplistic creatures that we are, we arn't seeing it right. Maybe its not "use", but 'usefulness'? So we don’t use tissues but actually find them useful and extremely so? In their simplicity lies their "we can't do without them" relevance. This is akin to saying we don’t merely use water but find it critical to our existence....

If only a tissue could be man. Or men could be as good/useful/dependable/multi-facted as tissues:: sigh::, maine abhi tak shaadi kar li hoti, by God ki kasam!

yours,

sneezy! Hand me a tissue please!

Finally, Da Bangg!

when the crowd hoots as Sallu Bhai cracks open a door

and rolls with laughter when the evil men’s bones crack;

Where the wit has one asking for more

and the whistling sounds like part of the sound-track..

Where the lead actress is fully covered yet sizzling

and the item girl has a thousand men nuzzling..

Where the dialogues are rude, crass yet real,

Where the fight sequences look surreal

and an "ordinary" thanedaar has enough power to command ten cars

where a cop is corrupt yet fair

where the villains all look like grizzly bears

For that heaven of melodrama

I pray

Dear God, let Bollywood awake

Into that magic of movies, let Bollywood, forevermore break!

Amen!

P.S. Needless to say, I enjoyed Dabangg, lock, stock and barrel. Dear Bollywood, can we have more such completely unreal, surreally brazen-comic-book-style-action-sequenced, crassily-rustically-dialogued, magically-cutely-romantic yet realistic dramedies with mad-bad heroes please!!

When Delhi gets humid...

...it reminds one of Bombay - right from getting soaked in the rains, wading through puddles of water to make it for social engagements, to never-ending serpentine-like traffic jams, everything in this wet wet city so closely resembles the maya nagari that I for one forgot to miss my adopted city for a full one week! Seriously!!

Achoo! Yup, that's part and parcel of the monsoon special. And a broken red umbrella (twas my fave, sobbbbbbbbbbbbbbb) and 2 perfectly nice pairs of chappals down the drain, literally!

But the rain Gods rained home this scary truth; we truly and honestly are so not ready to host the Commonwealth games, not yet. Controversies, scams, and public shame notwithstanding, the capital's infrastructure is under serious threat of collapsing, probably bang in the middle of the arterial Ring road! And since I am no celeb, (not yet ;D), I can unhappily note this without the fear of having to retract from "mis-quotes"!

It saddens me. A nation on the cusp of being inducted in the coterie of global superpowers, the world's largest democracy, the second-fastest growing economy powering the world's economic engine and gang-raped, heckled and abandoned by its own leaders - political, bureaucratic being the active agents and business leaders who by accepting such a state of affairs, abet this passively.

We are a nation of "jugaad" - I am sure we will somehow manage to pull it off, the balloon show notwithstanding, is it enough to always just pull it off? In the post-games euphoria of having managed to pull it off despite the recalcitrant rain-Gods (Yay us!), will we this time around too go back to status quo? Arre bhai, kaam toh ho gaya na! Is it enough to always, just be "enough". How about "exceed" or "out do" or "stupendous"? Why can we not expect to go beyond expectations without exception? Why can we not aspire, inspire, perspire? Why do we take the easiest possible way out and do just the bare minimum? With our nation, ourselves, our lives? Why are we "blessed" with such a self-assured-santusth-I-will-not-move-my-a*-unless-I-want-to attitude? Why do we accept? One billion people on the streets, protesting against being taken for granted, can move mountains, literally, policy passivity and inaction or limited action against "those entrusted with upholding the secular, democratic traditions of this nation with honesty and integrity" who are still just mere mortals toh can still be reformed.

But we accept. The ones who realise that is an unhappy state of affairs either run, away, or weep, silently. Then they too accept. Sab chalta hai. Siwaye public transportation (especially banned during the commonwealth games which have brought the ordinary citizen nothing but misery because of callous and incompetent fools responsible for "implementation"), water (the taps run dry despite "extraordinarily excessive" rains) and roads (which don’t last beyond one season), sab chalta hai yahan.

Hiss!

Notes

Maya nagari is a popular term that refers to Bombay:-)

'Jugaad' is colloquialism for quick-fix improvisations.

Daag ache hain!

and no I don't mean "Daag - the fire"!

In a water-starved yet hygiene super-conscious country like ours, one may think that such a strong brand association would be difficult to sell. But therein lies the success of marketing - for it resonates with the "higher sense of aspiring for the greater good"!

Think about it, if getting messy helped someone then yes, Daag ache hain.

This gets even more interesting when one extends it to the metaphysical level - aka our life's canvas. Just for a moment, putting past-life "karma" aside, imagine that a new-born enters the world with a clean, pure white canvas. Over the course of the next few days, his first touch, his first sensation of hunger, the first smiling face he sees, another infant he catches sight of, his own image in the mirror when revealed to him for the first time, all make up his "first memories". To these, he keeps adding to, for the rest of his life - his first exam, first best friend, birthday, stomping of feet, first act of deceit or lies he finds out about, his own first act of rebellion, his first kiss and so become "experiences". His life canvas is by now, a myriad of colours - some pleasing to the eye, some more complex. Its like one of those abstract pieces that seem to have colour randomly splashed about.

On the white canvas that we all start off with, there seem to emerge spots of messiness that seemingly add to us but also take away from us - our innocence, leaving us sometimes scarred, sometimes scared.

You know, in the big picture, time lends to itself the quality of timelessness. While for some lucky ones, the big picture emerges to be actually a nice clean simple easy to understand picture - of the sort that has a house, children, birds chirping in the background that most of us first drew in pre-school, for some though it really does boil down to being a complex patchwork, akin to a work of expressionism. Its there, but somehow, the picture emerges only when you think about it. Daag is case mein bhi ache hain - the memories, experiences and thoughts that sum us up - not all good (like turmeric stains, don't believe me? Ask your mother!), not all pleasant (like grease stains, yuck!), not all wanted (all stains? if one just looks at the washing expense and irritation it presents).

The life canvas is about these being all adding up eventually, with the bad "daags" teaching us something about the journey that is life...or if not, simply, adding to the bigger canvas - even if we don’t like it, eventually, Daag ache hi hain!;D

Notes

'Daag' translates to 'a stain'.

"Daag - the fire" refers to an extremely sloppy, pointless and irritating film released in the late 90s. Never ceases to amaze me the drivel that Bollywood is capable of dishing out and that stupid Bollywood aficionados like me subject ourselves to!

when the heavens cried

"yesterday, I told the wise blue sky above all my sorrows,
opened my weary heart, battle-worn, torn.
My mind, numb, refusing the sunshine to let me borrow,
I spoke forth, cried some more, finally stood all-alone, forlorn.

Today, the skies weep,as if in deep grief
and my weary heart, allows me a shut-eye, though very brief...."

Conflicted!

Conflicted, confused, the last few days have left me amused
profuse though out-pourings of everlasting friendship
a few days away
can sound the death-knell of a kinship!

Where art thou
the rising star
the knight in the shining armour
turned out to be a wretched czar!

Promises never made
still seem broken,
never-realised 'laters'
turn to distances becoming greater.

One has to move on
I am told
all safe-havens
tend to unfold.

Who is real, who is true
Honesty and integrity seem to have value no more.

Tis the age of freedom,
I am told
commitment is a whore
friendship is a chore
the engagements once pleasant
now seem like a bore

Tis ok to say rum pum bum
While the sun is shining
we all shall sing
after the sunset though,
tis a different thing.

Life, it is an old witch
who teases with the elusive golden snitch.
If you are a seeker,
your destiny is made
else tis best a farewell you bade.

In the mirror is reflected,
tis is an age of the conflicted!

The sum of all parts and the truth about choosing weekdays over weekends

"You have exactly 90 days to live - you can either choose to mope about your world coming to an end or you can live your whole life thrice over in those" - Boman Irani to Abhishek Bachchan in Bluffmaster.

The context first - the protagonist has only 90 days to live (no not really but don't depend on me to spoil an otherwise eminently watchable film for you!:P) and of his 30 years of existence (we won't call it life), he can clearly count only 30 days as "memorable". Bam. Here's his ticket to 3 more lifetimes!!

Yet again, its bollywood to the rescue - how succinctly a simple dialogue or phrase can just sum up exactly what we had been wanting to, meaning to say..

Fast-forward to reality - it is also personal you see, this need to make the most of each day, experience, interaction, conversation, this need to live like there is no tomorrow..

Death is figurative - we don’t have to die literally to have things come to an end. Things, situations, relationships change and that is the "death" of the way the things are. Ain't it?

Something about my present is dying - I am moving on you see, but something about my future is going beyond the lens of possibilities to the reality of life - yes, I am moving, but towards something bigger, greater, higher than I could have ever imagined possible.

All men and women are born,
Live suffer and die;
What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams,
Whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things,
And what we do to make them come about…

We do not choose to be born.
We do not choose our parents.we do not choose our historical epoch,
The country of our birth,
Or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing.

We do not,
Most of us,
Choose to die;
Nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death.

But within this realm of choicelessness,
We do choose how we live.

-Joseph Epstein

Three long years ago, I came to Bombay. Confused but inspired. Somewhere though I lost that awe-struck girl with stars in her eyes. People hung on but I somehow seemed to have lost her in whirlpool of good morning and good night by autowallahs and the building watchman. Beyond "I am fine (read alive) ma", beyond a Sunday grocery shopping list and maggi for dinner when the bai bunked (ok, this was also by choice!:P), beyond a mid-week trip to the mall feeling like a treat and beyond 'open' conversations that never ended, there seemed to be more to life than just the weekend..There seemed to be more to dreams than just being mere possibilities. And I choose to dream again..

This week, I move on, richer in experiences, warmer in friendships, inspired as ever and hopefully, a little less confused...

It is many things that shape who we are, but most importantly, it is the ones we allow to enter the realm of ourselves that shape us the most - the memories we choose to cherish, the people we choose to keep close to our hearts, the opportunities we choose to grab as also the goodbyes we choose to wish against coz they seem to be loaded with finality, and it is against my religious principles (a la Calvin ;P) to believe that anything is permanent, except diamonds maybe!:D

The past few days have been about good-byes, loads of them. The next few days will be about hellos, hopefully loads of them. And it is possible that there are some that may never happen - good-byes as well as hellos, for the circle of life is not a perfect circle - I have learnt that it seems to be more a loop that is moving around the centre but never fully comes back (akin to the parallel grooves depicted here).

Thank you Bombay. For in all the little talks, the fights that may have scarred, the movie marathons (that went beyond one movie just once!), the weekend trips, the gossip cum chai sessions, the late nighters and the many many meals and conversations, I have lived and it is these, the many parts, that sum up to make me what I am today.

You made the present pleasant, the past forgotten and the future worth living for! And this is a good-bye, I choose to wish against! :D

Meow!

An Ant's Anthem

The past two months have been, well, how should I put it? - umm dazed? indifferent? nah, not just that, mind-numbingly morbidly boring!

Sometimes in life, we feel stuck, trapped. We know it is important to change things, but somehow can't. Something holds us back. Something, some creative life force is missing. And we accept. Its difficult to breathe so we make do with gasping. Its difficult to yell out so we shut up. In short, we can’t beat them, we can’t join them so we retreat. Some of us with the luxury of time and resources, well expendable resources, take a holiday or even a sabbatical!

This phase of hibernation is marked by the overuse of phrases such as "ok", "yes", "fine", etc. Coz we stop reacting, we just act - we act like we are living, feeling, but inside we are frozen. Unfeeling. You just exist coz that's what you are supposed to do - each hour, day, week, a blur. No sense of passion, direction. No life force.

Its scary, such a phase. People think you are on dope - from flashing eyes and teeth grinding, you go to deadpan expressionless half-smiles. You stop cursing, crying and the nose inflation index* just nose dives.

For a lot of us, this phase seems a bottomless pit, a freefall. And we just wait, bidding our time for when the referee of life will yell out "time's up!" Irrespective of age, such a phase most certainly seems to be the twilight. You stumble, mumble, life's a jumble.

For people like me though, we grumble - with a capital 'G'! And thankfully, our circle of trust allows us to - without judgement, mush or impatience. You know this phase is a blur, and that is precisely what enables you to be objective about it. You crib and that means there are days when you cry. You cry and then feel guilty for being so thankless for all your blessings. And thus starts the whole cycle of "feeling". Suddenly, this is the prelude to the storm - the magical calm before "accepting" gives way to "questioning". Suddenly, the flash in the eyes is back, the TV looks boring and life is calling!

In the big picture of life, there will be many ups and downs, promises broken and surprises given, but that should not stop one from endeavouring - not just go on coz there is nothing else to do but go on coz you want to!

An ant does. Ever wonder how mechanical, monotonous it must find its existence? Yet, it keeps going on about its business - it pauses, stops, looks around for the next big lump of sugar and then locks in.

Or starts the climb again. Just like an ant that accidentally landed on a window pane on a flight from Delhi to Bombay and continued to scuttle all over the glass pane looking to literally break through a glass "ceiling", maybe one should too never accept the glass ceiling as an absolute. In the ant's case, it was a physical one, yours toh is still notional re baba!

Yes, it’s hazy right now, but someday it'll clear out. And suddenly, just like that, you are back. Coz life is calling and the world is your oyster!

Meow!!

*this "phrase" has been coined by one of my closest friends to convert my towering rage into hysterical giggles - apparently the index measures how angry I am coz the angrier I get, the bigger and redder my nose seems! ::now covering her nose:: No, its not a pretty sight!!

The gift of girlfriends

You shop party, wine dine and then the very next day, diet with them! You gossip, bitch and swap notes on the most random of movies with them. When your heart is in dispair, they are there... When you want to just be, they are there - with a ready shoulder, a private joke or a twinkle in the eyes. They drag you out of your reverie even though you may be hunched up in defeat. They scream, shout and yell if you don't call and listen with a heavy heart when you rant "he hasn't called"! They forgive easily, laugh easily and dress randomly - from a diva to a slob, you never know what's in store when you press that doorbell. Amazingly, they wink when u say weakly, "I am so sorry" and throw it back in your face a week after, in the middle of a heated argument! Sheesh!!

Somehow, there is something truly special about being a girl. And somehow life just wouldn't be the same without a girl's day out with your "special" gals - even if it’s just a window shopping session! Admit it, you can laugh, you can cry, but you just cannot ignore them!And you can move on but you can never really move away from a true friend.

Here's to all my "girl friends", past, present and future! As someone once said, "you are not women, you are paradise"!

Meow!

P.S. I just finished reading "I love Capri" and got inspired - the last quote is from the book!:-))

The great Indian Carnival

9th January 2010

A friend emailed saying this year's Maha Kumbh in Haridwar had been rated #2 amongst top 11 events not to be missed in 2010 by Forbes India magazine. That is what started it all...

January to February 2010 - the group got busy with plans, counter-plans, coordinating dates, leaves, tickets, bookings - for a group geographically spread all over from Dubai to Bangalore to Mumbai to Pune - the decision to go was the easiest first step and a natural atunement of thinking. But it was not to be and unfortunately, somehow somewhere some of us lost the enthusiasm, and the plan remained just that, a plan. Probably, it was not our shared destiny to go together this one time. This one time then, my travel group was not my friends or colleagues, it was family :-)

Sometimes some journeys are worth making, just for the sake of making the journey. Though the "real" reason for Kumbh lies in taking that dubki at the edge of the steps that ultimately dissolve into the Ganga at the ghat at Haridwar, the test of Kumbh lies not in taking the dubki, it lies in getting to Kumbh. Here too, just as in life, it is the journey that counts.

March 2010

Can't, won't, shouldn't - these are choices. Will - that is conviction. My mom, you see, loves to philosophize (it runs in the family ;-)), so once said, so it was to be. Haan, hum Kumbh jayenge. Aur, just like that, hum nikal pade!

Getting leave logistics figured out wasn't easy - from IIP to WPI to RBI and back to next month's WPI, the data Gods were somehow not sure of letting me go. But a family get-together, and a close cousin's wedding tilted the scales in favour of "personal commitments" in the first week of April and I was on my way to Delhi with a few days in hand to "spare" for Kumbh :-)

Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained

"What is it about faith that inspires millions" - I once blogged. I am still trying to figure that one out :-)

Suffice to say, it just does. Why else would a simple wish to wash one's face in the ganges before heading to the hotel be met in the kind of unusual circumstances that would give a K-serial a run for its money - a road trip by four women in the heart of UP, to get to Uttaranchal involving moments as beautiful as breakfast amid a bed of flowers in Cheetal, to a loud, raucous altercation with a (bunch of) cop(s) for "not talking politely to a lady when asked for directions" (ahem, that was me ::a bit embarrassed ::), to arriving red-faced, lost, tired and thirsty with a traffic jam enough to test enough a saint's patience and a choke a car's cogs, to de-tours and roadblocks that would put even a master-architect in a tizzy - the "on the way" to Haridwar was surreal to say the least - and I don't mean that in a awe-struck wow kinda way! Sheesh man, can't a girl even be sarcastic without having to spell that out explicitly?! The bright side, we were all PJsters on a roll - with frustration and hunger dominating ours senses so completely that my sister when asking for directions for the umpteenth time asked for "dudhiya" chowk despite repeat performances of "doodhadhari chowk kis taraf hai" causing the passer-by to double-take and eliciting a bout of uncontrollable excessive giggling from all of us, including our shy, quiet, 24 year old driver who had refrained from saying anything except "good morning didi" since we had tumbled into the car at 5:20 a.m.!

They say every cloud has a silver lining - trust me, that day with the sun beating mercilessly down on us, we would have welcomed any cloud and drawn the silver lining ourselves with a nice glitter pen! It was hot, really really hot, in the way that only North India can be!

Finally, we lost it. There seemed no logical way of getting to the hotel even though we had touched Haridwar via a long detour that would have led us straight to Rishikesh, and another diversion by a cop loudly mouthing expletives at us when we slowed down to ask him for directions finally got my goat. Needless to say, in the moral science and conduct class I gave him, somehow I am sure I was definitely not giving a live demo of ladylike behaviour! :$

In the anger-laced five minutes after, physiology took over, we took the first visible turn and lo behold there was a ghat - near-empty, sleepy with the water beckoning us for a dip, and we rushed..clothes, cell-phone (my sis!) and all! The first dubki in the fresh cool water somehow was reward enough for the whole journey - the rest would all be bonus! :-)

The break was perfect - a mid-afternoon bath, followed by lunch at a nearby dhaba seemed the perfect recipe for a nice afternoon siesta. Slight glitch, though the traffic Jam had eased but we still didn’t know how to get to our hotel even though a full stomach somehow makes one feel invincible! ;-)

But there were conversations incomplete and arguments unresolved...

As soon as we ordered for the customary after-lunch chai (ok, customary in my family - I did say I was Punjabi!), we were stung by the arrival of the same cop(s) who had been not too friendly a few hours ago. While my sisters groaned; they know how my lectures tend to repeat themselves sometimes; my mom was purely apprehensive - somehow in the archaic world of MCP dominated North India, a girl doesn’t mess with a cop and get away too easily. Surprise! He turned to us, humbled and smiling (hmm almost..) with the cool interiors of the dhaba proving to be the perfect setting for a "madam don't get me wrong, hum aise nahi hain, bas stressed hain" followed by detailed and perfect instructions on how we could get to our hotel! For both tables, the new-found friendship was indeed heart-warming :D

The festival that was

This is about a journey. Enough said. But the destination was what sealed the bond. From cardboard cut-outs the size of the hall in a 1 BHK in Bombay, to causes as varied as "fight global warming" to "Save Ayurveda", trust me, the colours, vibrancy and energy of Kumbh visitors makes them the best possible "brand ambassadors" for UP tourism!;-)

The signposts said it all - welcome Mrs. Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi - the unofficial but popularly accepted to be India's first bahu and the messiah of Indian politics (ok, so I have a crush on the guy, so what! :P). Of course, we - as in the visitors to the Kumbh on 4th of April 2010 - were doomed to wild-goose chase after chase, traffic loops and irritant officials. Add of that Mr. L.K. Advani and the CM of the state also jostling for their fair share of paap-dhona, and the path to the holy dip is singed by a blaze of unholy exchanges!

But in the shivirs1 of the "bhakts" who had parked themselves in criss-crosses all over the countryside, life went on as usual since it had been so from the beginning of the festival - yoga workshops, prayer chants, and the clang of manjiras and drums to take their respective "lord" for the holy dip. It crazy right, why would God need a holy dubki? :O Dunno, beats me!

There where semi-clad fakirs walked hand in hand with barefoot shradhalus and a sadhu maharaj gave a lift to two hitchhikers in his chauffeur-driven car, the Ganges somehow equalized all human revellers on its ghats - from sadhu to child, all were equal, all had to wait their turn and all got what they had come for - paap ka toh pata nahi, but in the cool undercurrents of the Ganges, inhibitions, fears and hysteria somehow ebbed away.

Of Human Bondage

It is not true that we can get whatever our heart desires, for what we desire may not be what we need. But it is true that the callings of faith beckon some with the path as clear as a moonlit walkway on a full-moon night - you don't what lurks around the corner but you tread on. The path of faith guides all of us, it may be faith in our friends, families, jobs, boss, or simply in a "God". Whatever it is, a leap of faith, finding the courage to face the unknown or the desire to scram makes us human - from scared yet self-preserving, to vulnerable yet resilient. It is this steel of resilience, this "not going" is not an option that Kumbh helped me discover in me. My friends are v.fond of calling me a bhagodi - my self-preservation instincts always guide me to flee, "get out", "move on" if I sense that a problem cannot be fixed, a situation cannot be resolved, a known cannot be trusted. "Run Shireen run" - I had screamed when on a midnight stroll on campus, my friends and I suddenly realised that a car was following us despite being trained in self-defence techniques - when in fear of counter-party risk, "getting out" is simply part of how I react. It is this instinct that bothers my parents, my sense of rootlessness that allows me to be at home anywhere and cut ties with the past if pain is all that it has given me - it is this that has had me bothered ever since I was old enough to think - that I need to be constantly reassured else I simply let go. Kumbh made me see what I really was - not rootless but looking for my roots, not detached but looking for something/someone worth getting attached to, not confused but just not aware. I realised I don't run away from a problem, I somehow run towards a solution - cutting my losses before its too late. Unfortnately for me, while people "find" or "get" what they want by the time they reach the grand old age of 28, I may be getting there (in exactly a week's time) but I still haven't "found" it - maybe coz I don't know what I am looking for, or maybe coz it hasn't found me! I remain, as yet, a seeker of my destiny, purpose, focussed on the jouney, going with the flow, with no idea when the tide will turn and when I should head back - coz I don't know if it is the open seas that I belong to or the quiet calm of the beach...one day though, I will:-)

Till then, I am human and somehow that sums it up!;-))

yours,

slightly-enlightened-but-still-confused-and-now-really-sleepy!

1 Camps

Bumbai se nikli gaadi, dilli chali halle halle

dhee dhee dhanak dhin, dhee dhee dhanak din...

This however, was no song and dance. From traversing the maze of irctc.co.in, the website of Indian railways to real time dealing with an "agent" for a "double" ticket - from Mumbai to Ratlam (the place has some karmic significance in my existence, pucca se!) to a weight-listed-but-not-confirmed ticket from Ratlam, yesterday's wheeling dealings were nothing short of a crash course in "how to book rail tickets in India" for the uninitiated like moi!

These are crazy times and we, are crazy people! How else would you explain the presence of "cash only, madam" dealings on a station with a disfunct ATM?? Or the "goodwill" of a TC (that's an initialism for ticket checker, by the way) being the main determinant of whether a passenger will have to de-board the train in the middle of the night? Or the fact that an agent for a "princely" fee of Rs.500 can get you a confirmed ticket on your preferred train of travel? While the security staff happily looks the other way to "enable" the transaction! Whoa, no wonder, despite being counted as one of the best rail networks in the world, citizens like me, the urban, independent sorts are quickly turning to travel by air even though sometimes we end up paying through our nose (not literally! Argh!!) even though we may have the luxury of time to take a train...Its bloody scary man, just go stand on a train station in one of the metros and unless you have done it before, you will be flummoxed. Fortunately, conservative middle-class upbringings ensure that we somehow know our way around (or atleast know someone who does;-)), but think of it, if an Alien were to land on one, the sheer hustle bustle, the random chaos that somehow everyone is in sync with and the typical Indian "hato bhaiya, company baag mein aaye ho kya" would make him/her/it (u decide!) scuttle for cover and wahin pe end any possibility of world denomination by any other species!!!! yay us!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In any case, I truly think humans are the only race deserving of this planet and are by themselves capable enough of ensuring it goes up in flames someday, but that's another thought-stream altogether!

Anyway, the lesson is learnt - planning is the answer to all your problems, nahi toh God's men (aka agents, TC) and if all else fails then go to sleep on the top berth on an unreserved ticket - you may just get a sound night's sleep!;-)

P.S. Some thoughts - plan your itinerary well in advance if you truly want to leverage the joys of train travel. And in the event of no direct reservations, best to have a backup ticket B in hand.

Travel light - it helps if you need to catch a running train, a la Kajol in DDLJ

Take someone to the station - you may need to use the washroom and trust me, it helps to have a known set of eyes on your luggage

Carry cash - this is is difficult coz you never know how much is gonna be enough - here's a thumb rule - have atleast twice the amount of your base fare - this is for sudden, unexplained emergencies like wanting to travel on a reserved ticket and by the means of a "double" ticket, there is a possiblity of making that happen.

Take a book, a bottle of water and fully charged mobile - to save yourself the headache of waiting and your family the worry of "where are you!!"

Be nice - you never know whom you run into, even though its not a "Kingfisher Class' flight!:D

Ok, now I am just being cheeky, so signing out for the day!!

Meow!

The whims of technology

It’s a task. A norm. An unsaid acceptance. Social etiquette.

This need to always be connected, available, "reachable"...To always be "online", "in network", to never just be.

It saddens me. we have become so inter-dependant, inter-connected, involved, that we are never really just being; we are always either being an employee, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a partner - what you may, but rarely for a not even a few minutes a day just being..

And the worst thing is that its expected, mandated, almost like "compulsory" to be so! In our drive for society, u know the whole "no man is an island" deal, we may have forgotten individuality somewhere on the way.

Btw, I finally got call waiting activated!

uff, yeh zaalim duniya, why couldn’t life be simpler!!

Yours,

Not meowing!

When Columbus discovered America...

did he have any idea what he was going to unleash on the world? I wonder....

Did he know the new paradigms, the future of the human race for the next four odd centuries would see the rise and fall of nations and this nation in particular would come to dominate global geo-politics, economics and even doom and gloom at some point in time?

My sense is he didn’t.

And that gives me hope for the future - yours, mine, ours.

We may not always know what we have come across - whether that glittering piece stuck in your shoe is a diamond (potentially) or a sliver of glass. should you just snap it out and flick it away? Or should you avoid wearing shoes altogether or fear that a "stone" may get stuck?

This willingness to just be, to not know one's true worth, this lack of true knowledge (if I may call it that) - may just be the making of the human race. Or the breaking point (- but then there are enough of those already and we the 'sunshine' people choose to focus on the good things!;-
)) For not knowing something's true worth, makes it potentially priceless! And that that the potential is not yet defined gives you the room to let your imagination soar! Afterall, we don't know if something is impossible or not, so why not reach out for the stars!

Meow!;-))

Haan haan hoon main

Super-sensitive, hyper-active, over-possessive - deal with it!

Strangely, ironically, magically - i like me!:D Just the way I am. Wish someone else was the one saying this, sigh, but in this new age, independent, i my me world - kya karen, apna dhol khud hi bajana padta hai! humph!!

Once upon a time, aisa nahi tha...no nonono no no..This is the story of the transformation of a simple, sweet, innocent (sachi muchi) girl into a deeper, darker, a bit dafter, corporate hyena. Ok STOP. In case you are getting any wrong notions, this girl isn't me! Well not entirely. She is the protaganist of my new book. So anyways, this is what I will be working on in my 'spare' time..Spare time...hmmmm...that's a myth actually coz spare time like spare change is actually never spare - you carve it out of something that's already there, yours - like a INR 100 note that you use to pay the auto fare and get 4 new coins back - you may call it "spare" but you may not be able to spare it for the urchin on the traffic signal or as change for dhobi when its a part of the note...It was that note that you had, was yours, gave you that spare change, usable as spare change. Life too is defined as big blocks, somewhere, between those blocks, one has to find oneself - maybe some chipped off from a confrontation with the boss, some glowing from a midnight surprise party, some unfulfilled with "saved" drafts, some fulfilled with a "thank you" from a college junior...Its all the sum of parts, but where lies which part - finding that is the process called life :-)

By the way, I really really liked "Karthik calling Karthik" but would not recommend it. Its one of those films that you can either identify with or get frustrated trying to figure it out - as someone put - "dimaag ki dahi bana di"! For me, it was one of those films I sat and watched - like a hungry kid gulping a glass of chocolate milkshake - I just could'nt stop! If I could have, I would have avoided even blinking for those 2-2.5 hours! "I've been alone, Its overrated"! wow!! Maybe we should have a award for alternative thinking? Come to think of it, what stops me from giving one out? To the team of KCK, I present the Bhavana Mahajan innovative cinema award for 2010 - keep calling guys, we, at the jury, are listening!:D

Hum toh aise hi hain!:P

Meow!

The return of the nosy parker...ahem!

Aiyo! How painful it is to be hit by meddlerism! Somebody meddles, twiddles and oh la la your day does a wheedle!

Don't you just love them meddlers? Those silly busybodies who go about interfering with your, your neighbourhood dog's, the cobbler's - anyone's life imaginable! And then you wonder, how do such people manage to find the time? To swig from one end to the other - to get information/gossip/updates and proclaim those out to all those under the sun!

What drives such people, i wonder? Is it genuine concern for your wellbeing? Nah, go take a hike lady - this isnt Satyug! Ok, then is it bitchiness? No, I don't think so coz mostly the ones who effectively manage to meddle with us are either those who at some point meant a lot to us (and so have enough gossip/masala to go with) but then that would just make them silly babblers. Or maybe its someone we are completely indifferent to - thereby filling them with this need to influence your life. It could also stem from a social need to simply be wanted, be popular, be waah waah'ed. Dunno. All I know is that its extremely irritating to be at the receiving end. And sometimes, mind you, only sometimes, you can't really have a "heart-to-heart" discussion or retaliate in kind.

You know its ok. Maybe you did it once, without realizing. Maybe, just maybe this is come-uppance for you, a divine way of "fixing" you. But then again, we aren’t Gods, right? So why accept?

Hmmm.

Am confused. Angry. Irritated. Sleepy!

Yours indifferently,

Meow!

Wait and Watch ? Naah, its "weight and watch"!

And literally so!:D

Here's a confession - I have put on weight; loads of it. All those Delhi trips, get-togethers, sleep-ins, and a general prevalance of intertia is to say the least, "heavy" duty stuff for me!::Sigh::

Kitna - you might ask. Don't ask! Suffices to say that when people ask me what's up, these days my standard response is "my weight"!

So while me and some close friends have been agonizing over diets/exercise regimes (ouch!)/smarter dressing options (ahem, this one is the most interesting!;-)), the parents (including parent proxies since Ma and dad are themselves happily gorging on winter goodies in Delhi!!) are visibly worried. And two months is what I have to get fighting fit - arre mere bhai ki shaadi hai bhai!!!:D

Meanwhile, your truly does need some motivating to give up the allure of good (read that rich/cheese filled/chocolately/basically anything that is classified as a "bad" in the diet universe!) food, we went and bribed ourselves with a brand new Morellato watch - something I had been eying for quite some time. Afterall, a little bit of retail therapy never hurt anyone!;D Slight problem though, in this case its an advance bribe, the deed has yet to be signed, the promise is yet to be fulfilled!::going red in the face::. There I go again, me and my big mouth, confessing in public!:S

Koi na, afterall a promise-breaker is a shoemaker! (no offence to Schumacher!!!) Aur hum, joote banane mein nahi, pehne mein vishwas rakhte hain!:D

On that bad pj note, I will embark on a vision 4/10 - just wait and watch for April now!:D:D

meow.

"Dil toh bacha hai jee...

...Thoda kacha hai jee!"

Ishqiya - one of the most awaited films this year, sums up the life and times of a lot of us - it is about love yes, but also confusion, deceit, anger, frustration, expectations, unexpressed emotions, the power of a good meal, stealth and hope...surprisingly the cutest couple to me in the film was Mamta and her lover - that seemed to define the simplicity of love in a morass of utter, total societal and institutional chaos!

Not surprisingly then, this was one of the lessons I learnt this week which seemed to have everything - a sprained ankle to start with, the magic of end-of-season sales, a mid-week holiday, the illusion of romance and the disillusionment of dependence...

U know, sometimes we expect...We expect people to be predictable, available, dependable, (either/or as applicable), but that doesn't mean they have to be. On the other hand, them not being so doesn't mean one should stop expecting..Ok, maybe you withdraw from a certain person but you may then latch on to another one! Its a loop but its neither as crazy as it sounds nor as helpless. Simple hai na, aap expect karo, koi expectation pe khara utarta hai ya nahi - yeh lekin control karne ki koshish mat karo - bas ki itna yaad rakho ki yeh aapke haath mein nahi hai. Somewhat akin to the basic ideology outlined in the Bhagwad Gita - "abandon all attachment to the results of action" but act you must. Expectation is passive action and it is something you are choosing to do.

So go on, aspire, expect, make demands on your friends and family, or even random strangers if you please - the urchin on the street does! coz even if it seems we may not get what we want, we just may...so why give up!;-)

From masala dosa to cutting chai....

Did i mention how crazy the past few days have been? I have a feeling this enrty is gonna sound more like a travelogue than the signature randomization I tend to end up with but I'll try!:D

Ok, lets start at the beginning. The 3rd of Jan - the last day of my winter break. For me, the holiday season literally ended on a holy note - with a visit to Akshardham in Delhi- from stunning sculptures, sound and light exhibitions, a boat ride through the history of India (this was my fave part!:D) to a simply delightful meal at the food court - it was literally, as they call it, a divine experience and a feast for the senses! A walk through the whole complex in semi-rainy, semi-foggy, near-zzero conditions(I exagerate but it was definitely 6 degrees C if not lower!)was best followed by a near-perfect masala dosa - with the best sambar I have had the north of Maharashtra! Actually, Bombay is where I think they make the best sambar (I know that sounds blasphemous to any true-blue Tam but i like it best here!) but that's digressing..

The fourth of Jan saw me back in Mumbai - my adopted city. And the temperature difference came as a shock to say the least. The week went by in a whirl and suddenly there was the weekend - a nice late night chat girly chat session was topped only by a brunch get-together with some friends - some old, some new...That I guess is the circle of life, U may think u have moved away but old friends have a habit of just popping right back in your life. Good for me, I love yapping;-)))

Btw, Sherlock Holmes is a must watch - for a riveting feel of how the detective could have been - its more sinister, morbid and stylized take than I could have imagined any of the original stories to have been had any of those been adapted! Though nobody can beat Doyle at his own game, ever, the film is an engaging watch on its own steam:-)

Ok am tired now, sprained my ankle this morning at Kanheri caves, but more on that later..cutting chai abhi baaki hai mere dost:D

meow!

A coat, beret and muffler - yes its cold!!

Its freezing! Don't believe me? come to Delhi!!

Ok, so maybe not literally but its quite quite cold...brrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

The funny thing is, just last week - when I landed here - I coolly walked out of the airport without even the customary shawl on. It was a bit chilly but nothing that a dilli di kudi can't handle. The only hiccup - I was hit by sudden nausea when the flight landed; something I had happily forgotten 5 minutes into the house and three bear hugs from ma later...clearly though, the weather Gods were not happy with this blatant lack of respect for Dilli ki sardi!

2010 will be ours - seems to be their new year resolution. As a result, my social life - aka whatever semblance of going for a evening walk I used to muster for the benefit of others (read the health conscious ma, papa and sis) sadly lies in shambles. Add to that the pleasures of a blasted heater and bam, "dinner order kar lete hain na" takes over as the catch phrase of the season!

Thankfully, I am not as gone a case so lunches and coffee plans are definitely on thanks to some very sweet (I am just being nice), enthu (ok, this one's true)and friendly souls.

Thank God for friends!:D

And thank God for Mumbai, am back tomorrow;-))